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 https://sites.google.com/view/chroniclesofcreation

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  1. Hey Christian,
    I gotta say, I am really impressed with your story! It was disorienting at first, which is what I am sure you were intending, but is was also very consuming. With every sentence I wanted to know more and to understand, to satiate the curiosity which stemmed from everything I read. One question which really stood out to me is who is the "God/god" is your story (you flipped on capitalization a couple times so I was unsure which you intended)? Is it the Judeo-Christian God or some god from another existing religion, or an amorphous deity outside of current religions? This may have been an intentional vague point in your story, if so you did great at conveying that! Another question I had was why 87 exactly, does that number hold some significance or was it random? So many questions that I want to ask and get answered! It really is an awesome story and I can't wait to see what else you have to write about!

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    1. Hey Christian,
      I just came across the second installment on your story and I am still really loving the direction you are going with the idea! The Remembering story adds a lot of detail to the narrative and fleshes out many of the questions which were left unanswered I the first introduction. One note I will say. is that you changed for second person to first person between the Introduction and the Remembering story. I don't know if this was intentional, but I thought I would mention it. Another, similar note, is your spelling of God. in your story you spell it "God" but, typically, when the "G" is capitalized it is referring to the specific Judeo-Christian deity. If you are intending on referring to a god other than that specific deity, it should be a lower case "g" to denote it is not a proper noun for an individual entity. All that aside, this week we were supposed to be giving feedback on images, but there's not that much to give for your stories. I like the stylistic choice of a simple black screen for the Introduction, it adds to the unanswered ambiance of the tale. On the Remembering story, the only thing I would like to say is that I expected this tree to be much larger and majestic than the image given, based off the description you gave in your story. Overall, I still love the story and would love to see the next installment!

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    2. Hey Christian,
      It's me again! You just keep coming across my randomizer, but I am grateful because I get to see this story develop each week! I loved the third installment and I feel it definitely answered a lot of question that your reader had coming in to that story. I much better understand how the character we are reading through the eyes of plays into the larger picture of this universe you have created. This week we are supposed to be focusing on Author's Notes, but there really is not that much to say. You have done a very good job at writing them so that you give your reader a good idea of where you are coming from and what your inspirations were for any particular story. This week I definitely did get a little bit of Genesis vibes from the story before I even read the Note; it distinctively bled through in the order of operations you described in creation. That said, I loved how the character just started pushing buttons and was thinking "well, surely I can't mess up creation that bad!" The little bits of humor in that really do keep the reader interested. Just one final note, there is still the issue of writing the first story in second person and the second and third stories in first person. This can be really discombobulating for readers and either needs to be addressed to explain your intention behind that or corrected so that this would be unnecessary. Overall, loved it and ready to see what happens next!

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  2. Hi Christian!

    I loved the way you started out your story! It was compelling from the get go. I think the confusion of it all made me want to keep reading. I found myself curious as to where this story was leading. One question or comment to make on that is it was kind of confusing through out the intro and i kind of got lost in the idea if it was modern or not or who the main character was and why they were important and if other people from the previous universes were treated the same. I think that will probably all come to light in your stories and hopefully we get to learn more about your main character because I am very fascinated! I think the point of it was for it to be confusing and for the reader to ask a lot of questions and I love that it was a story that can be taken in any direction, I can't wait to find out what actually happens when you write your stories.

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  3. Christian,

    This has to be one of the most suspenseful introductions I have read so far. I like how you're injecting the reader into the story by making them the main character. The physical feeling you're describing is something I would like to feel in my lifetime. Hopefully ZeroG trips or space trips are reasonably priced before I die haha. You might be missing a word in the 10th paragraph, second sentence.
    I had to reread this, as your use of pronouns demands attention. Good! I think it's great that your storybook is really requiring the reader to think about the unthinkable. This story will likely give people serious pause to think about their relation with whatever divine power they answer to.
    I'm excited to read the stories to come and even more excited to see the author's notes, as I think they will explain quite a bit.

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  4. Christian! As someone who's seen The Egg, I loved your twist on it. I really enjoyed hearing the first person perspective from 'god' in the intro and then from the human-dude in the first story. It confused me for a sec that the perspectives switched, but I liked it. Your imagery is so good. I could feel the void and feel the fresh, comforting feeling of the meadow and the tree. Speaking of, the tree thing was super cool. So were all his other creations on there, not just 'humanity?' That's so awesome. I really liked how you made the main character living through alllll his past lives a bit overwhelming, giving examples of the different centuries and traumas he went through. So did he live through every single life like in The Egg, or were the other people truly other people and not just different versions of himself? I'm super stoked to see your other stories. This is awesome.

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  5. Hi Christian!
    I haven't read The Egg, but I simply must now! So first, thank you for that!
    Second, I love the reimagining you've given to this story, particularly the idea regarding a world tree that represents all universes that have been 'trialed' in this sense. Really beautiful sentiment, one that resonates with my own storybook in a way. Also, the way you narrate the introduction was really vivid, as Kyra said. However, I was also a little confused as to why you switch perspectives between the intro and the first story. It was a little strange to switch narrators in that way. Perhaps if you want to maintain this switch, you could include some kind of transition between the two? Either at the end of the intro or the beginning of the first story, just to signal the transition to the reader more explicitly. Also, I really loved the last full paragraph, but I kept wondering to myself "What would this feel like?" Do you think you could elaborate on what this process of remembering felt like in a more phenomenal sense, what emotions, thoughts, physical sensations accompanied this remembrance of experience/mission?

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  6. Hi Christian,

    I just came from reading your introduction and first story.

    First I must say that I really like the approach you took with your introduction. The second person POV you chose to use really works and every sentence made me want to keep reading. I think you've definitely perfected the introduction at this point.

    On your twist on The Egg, I'm a little bit jarred by the transition from second person to first person. You spend the introduction speaking to the reader in second person but your first story is entirely in first person. Is this an intended choice? If so the transition is definitely interesting and can work but I'm not entirely sure what you're going here with this POV swap. If it is intended maybe even just adding a quick note about it in the author's note would be super helpful!

    As for the actual content of your story, I think it's great! There was definitely not any lack of interest at any point in the story and that says a lot. I haven't read "The Egg," but after reading your story, I wanted to. I also really appreciate your twist on taking a perfect God and humanizing them by making them someone who makes mistakes and has to try again. Overall the whole concept is really cool and I'm excited to read more of your stories!

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  7. Hi Christian!
    I think this is the first time I have ever read a story from the same perspective you took. The second person POV is an interesting move, but I enjoyed it! I feel like changing the perspective definitely adds to the mystery of the story and also makes you feel a slight disconnect in the beginning. I think if I had to live all the lives of humanity to become a god then I would much rather not. The fact that the main character has this deep-set feeling that they know the man who claims to be God just adds to the mystery. I was not expecting the office, but as you said, it makes it more relatable to the readers. The little note at the end of your second story was really fun! It's just what you would imagine someone thrown into the situation would write.

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  8. Hi Christian! I love your website! I think the galaxy image is so pretty. I just really like space. Your stories were fascinating, and I really enjoyed reading them! I like how you used your introduction as part of the story instead of just writing what the reader should expect . It really helped draw me into the story. I also think you're a great writer. Good job!

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  9. Hi Christian! I really like your story! Since we are commenting on Author's notes this week, that is what I will focus on in my comment, mostly. But I do want to say this story sounds interesting first! As to your author's notes, I think they are great! I like how you explain enough and give us the source material you use for each story. It helps with knowing context and stuff. I also like who you included your thoughts on how you wanted to make the stories out to be. It gives us insight to you as a writer and what you expect for your story. They were really good notes in that they answered all of my original questions and then left me with more! I can't wait to read the next installment of your story and how you plan to make the young god create the universe and shape human beings and then live in the universe he created. Thanks for all of your hard work!

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